For the better part of history, real men had beards. Apart from the silkier cultures, where men were widely respected there were whiskers on well-chiseled visages, even if only sported as a moustache. Historically, where you found facial hair, you also found at least some of these five manly attributes to go with it.
Cigars – Real men like cigars. And where you find men with cigars, aside from that lady killer William Jefferson Clinton, you’ll find men able to grow facial hair. You can often even tell what kind of cigar a man likes by the style of his facial fur. If he sports a Duck Dynasty kind of beard, then you can bet he’s a big, fat stogie puffer. There’s a cigar for the fellow with the handlebar moustache and another one for the man with a goatee, but the dude you should keep one eye on is the man with a pencil-thin mascara stache drawn on by his lady friend. That guy’s smoking something fruity.
Beer – Show me a man with facial hair and I’ll show you a beer drinker. Just ask those bearded fellows from Texas who sang “Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers.” Rumor has it that if your beard is at least nine inches long, you’ll be able to sing like Billy Gibbons. Of course, discerning which type of beer a man with whiskers might like is a trickier than guessing cigars. Still, if you get a hankering for hanging out with men showing off their facial doos, invite them to a home brew party.
Motorcycles – There’s just something about hairy-faced bike riders that makes a man feel real. For all you easy riders out there, grow a five o’clock shadow and see how much more fun that ride can be. To get yours, you should check this Kawasaki Z400 ABS for sale.
You can also try here and purchase a tricycle for you and your buddies. And in the event of an accident, you may need the assistance of a motorcycle accident lawyer when filing a claim for your injuries or damages.
Hats – Not to harp on the rockers from Texas, but there’s some heartfelt wisdom in the words, “Every girl’s crazy about a sharp-dressed man.” And what accoutrement exemplifies dressing your best more than a stylish head piece? Why else do you think bearded kings always wore crowns? If you see a man with facial hair and he’s not sporting a hat of some kind, be it a 10-gallon cowboy hat or a handsome wool fedora, then he’s probably got fake chin hair. He couldn’t blow a house down if you paid him.
Romance – Speaking of girls, real ladies love facial hair. In the movies, when the good guy gets the girl, he almost always has at least a smidgen of wayward cheek fuzz. If you can’t see it, it’s the angle of the camera. And I have it on good word that hairy suitors are better kissers. Clark Gable and Tom Selleck both had moustaches. Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are two more leading hunks who are often seen adorned with follicle extensions. And there I’ll rest my case.
Allen Taylor is a bearded freelance writer who smokes cigars and lives near a Harley plant. He sometimes wears hats and is married. Occasionally, he’ll brew some beer. He is owner and publisher of Garden Gnome Publications. Garden gnomes have beards too.
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