I was never one for styling my mustache, it just wasn’t me…until I began chewing on it! This article is about how I accidentally became a mustache wax enthusiast.
Day after day I noticed myself chomping on my stache. I would have to continuously part my mustache while eating. Snipping was not really an option. I always find a trimmed shape of the old whiskers around my lips slightly perverse and laughable, at least on this puss. After putting up with this for a couple of weeks a friend of mine, who has always been more of a dandy, noticing my battle over lunch reached into his pocket and pulled out a tin of moustache trainer. Immediately the name spoke to me, “trainer” not wax, though that’s exactly what it was, but it made me feel more at ease and less, “look at me” about the stuff. I thanked him and he headed out the door with the parting words, “Remember, a little goes a long way!”
The next day after I showered I slid open the tin and inspected the product close up. I held it to my nose and took a whiff, bay rum, I liked this peculiar little biscuit of wax already. “But how the hell do I use this?” I thought out-loud to my cats delight, he gets a kick out of my everyday quandaries. I shooed him away, sat down and googled, “How to use mustache wax” on my smartphone. This, it turns out, is a popular question in cyber space. Again I felt more at ease. After watching a few entertaining tutorials created by a host of rascally characters (hipsters, dandys, bearish bearded blokes,etc), I was confident that I could pull this off. After all, I wasn’t going for anything too complicated. I just needed to keep the fur out of my mouth.
I began by heating the wax with a hair dryer for a minute until it became softer. Then I scraped off a little with my index finger, about the size of a bb. Next, I rubbed it together between my thumb and forefinger until it was very tacky. It was now time to spread it over my mustache starting from the center of it and working it out in a parting motion, the direction I desired to “train” my man fur to go. I was tempted to add more at first, but my friends cryptic words stuck in my head. I put the tin down and picked up a fine bristled comb to begin working it in. Once the wax was evenly distributed I began to shape it. Damn, this was cool! I started playfully working on my very first handlebar mustache as if I had been possessed by Dali. At first I was worried that it would look greasy but after shaping it into a more sober form, and not touching it for a few minutes, it began to harden and look very natural. What was this stuff and how had it taken me 26 years to discover it?
How And Why I Started Using Mustache Wax : A Confession
The rest of the day I received compliment after compliment, everyone noticing something was different but no one knowing exactly what had changed. My boss asked me if I had gotten my hair cut! No longer did I find myself unwillingly brushing my chompers at lunch anymore, I had found a new way: The Dao of Dandy. I was hooked and I quickly became obsessed. Since that fateful day I have tried out many brands and have picked a favorite. I have also stocked up on accessories; a proper mustache comb and mustache wax remover, which conveniently enough happens to be made by the very same company that creates the wax I now favor. The wax itself is organic and petrochemical free, which I highly recommend only because of the break outs I started to notice happening around the mustache area after I used another popular brand that I picked up in a pinch while traveling…I kept the brush that came with it but have tossed out the tube since then. After a little research I learned that petrochemical additives are no good for skin, clogging pores and creating an invisible film that does not allow skin the breathe. Mustache wax comes in many different varieties: different strengths, different tints, different sizes, different ingredients: vegan, beeswax and soy free. I have found the soy free to have the strongest hold.
It did take me a while to find a good wax remover. This product is important, it will save you time, and it seems to always be the last thing to find among waxers. My advice is to find an organic wax remover that is oil based and doubles as a conditioner. When you just use soapy water to remove wax you strip the hair of valuable natural oils. Without these oils, your bristles become brittle and fragile. A natural, organic oil based conditioner allows you to easily comb out the wax while keeping the hair soft and healthy. To take it a step further you can even leave the conditioner in overnight to really feed your flavor saver.
I have become very self-educated on all things moustache and beard. Now I sport a rather sweet and shapely “Van Dyke” beard with a rather dapper handlebar moustache. My friend gets a kick out of the transformation and never ceases to remind me that I owe him. Mustache wax is great stuff and actually is quite utilitarian. You can get as wild as you want with it or just choose to train the whiskers to grow in a preferred direction. Happy experimenting and remember a very wise man once said, “Wax on, Wax off…!”
Written by Roger Perkins
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