Christmas is the season of joy and goodwill to all men except, it would appear, when it comes to a certain Christmas song. For most of December it is impossible to escape the monotony of the usual play list which changes little over the years and emanates from the sound systems of virtually every premises you happen to enter. Whilst most of us are prepared to endure the millionth rendition of Mariah Carey’s All I Want for Christmas is You, some ditties are beyond the pale and consumers are fighting back!
The Offending Song
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Costa Coffee, who like Christmas songs seem to be everywhere in the UK, have banned Cliff Richard’s Mistletoe and Wine from their outlets. Their customers voted the piece their least popular Christmas song and I have to say I agree with them. For 25 years we have been enduring this saccharin and irritating track which inexplicably managed four weeks in the number one slot in 1988. The tune is inexorably associated with Sir Cliff but he didn’t even write the thing. He merely changed some of the lyrics to a piece originally created for a production of the Little Match Girl and added Christian references.
Happy Customers
I am sure Costa’s move will prove to be a popular one. Thousands of coffee lovers can now relax without the fear of their supping being interrupted by having to don their noise cancelling headphones. The ultimate irritation has been removed but that aside playlists everywhere remain largely the same.
An Income for Life
Given the promise of royalties which can last a lifetime it is curious that more Christmas tunes are not thrust onto the market each year although Michael Bublé is having a good go. I am reminded of the excellent film About a Boy where Hugh Grant plays a bon vivant whose life is funded only by the royalties of a Christmas tune written by his father. The song both supports his lifestyle and irritates him in equal measure which is basically what festive tunes do. Difficult to endure and yet impossible to live without, they are the soundtracks of our lives for at least one month every year.
Merry Christmas
I understand that Slade can reap the rewards of up to £500,000 each year as their hit Merry Christmas Everybody booms out of every available speaker. This uplifting track has been doing the rounds since 1973 and is concrete proof that the right song will just keep going and going and raking in the cash. So where are all the new Christmas songs? Nobody seems to be making much of an effort to write the next Merry Christmas Everybody or I wish it Could be Christmas Every Day and so we are all listening to the same playlist year after year. The huge success of Lily Allen’s version of Somewhere Only We Know should see that song added to the annual outpouring but it isn’t really a Christmas song.
The truth is that our irritation is not with Christmas songs as a genre, it is more with the repetition. Apart from Mistletoe and Wine, of course, which is truly dreadful and enough to put you off your coffee or even your festive wine for that matter. Could someone please just write a decent new seasonal tune? Thanks in advance and Happy Holidays from HTGAM!
Sally Stacey is a keen writer and business owner who divides her time between writing and running her shop.
About Douglas Smythe
